The Hurricane With In
I began writing this post four days ago when I first heard about Hurricane Irma. I have done so much in the last four days that I don’t have anything else to do but just sit and wait.
Sometimes waiting is the hardest part of anything! For me, it is the most difficult because I let doubt creep in and I start to make my mind talk me out of what my heart tells me.
It has become bigger than Hurricane Irma; it is a battle between my flesh and my spirit. Let’s go back four days when it all began.
Florida, Hurricanes & PMDD
Hurricane Season is a big part of living in Central Florida, big enough that we have a designated hurricane preparedness day. Every year as a Floridian we must check, prep, and restock our kits to ensure survival if the big one hits.
Currently, Floridian’s are running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to stock up because of Hurricane Irma. With the fear of the recent tragedy that Hurricane Harvey left in Texas, we aren’t taking any chances.
But! What happens when preparing for Hurricane Irma also coincides with your PMDD days? Well….
Tuesday Day One: Hurricane Irma
Reality Hits and so does my Anxiety! Hurricane Irma has been forecasted to hit Florida and my period will be coming with her. The realization of both has overwhelmed me and consumed my every thought, but I must move forward.
The thing about Anxiety is that it can cause me to run around like a crazy woman. If you are a child of the 90’s you might have watched Supermarket Sweep! (love that show), well that was me at Wal-Mart! Running from aisle to aisle like a contestant searching for the prize. While I am prepping for what could be the biggest disaster of my life I am acutely aware of my PMDD, making me more anxious and leading to another PMDD symptom.
That’s when my Binge is triggered!
Now I am on a mission to grab whatever is nonperishable and eatable throwing it in my cart and keep running. It is all grab and go, grab and go, no time to stop. Binging on stuff; I need more stuff, stuff that tells my PMDD that I am filling my needs. Yet it is not enough to make the binge stop. It takes on a life of its own as other thoughts and fears creep into my mind.
What if we flood? How do we stay above the water to keep from drowning? How?
Before I drown in my realization that we could flood and get trapped due to the lack of proper planning due to the flood waters, I go on a hunt for inflatable Kiddie Pools, inflatable tubes, rope, and oar. Yes, I will tie my self to my kids, place them in the inflatable pool and my self in an inner tube and we will row out to safe grounds.
I have it all in my cart, and I see the charcoal grills, do I need one! My PMDD brain tells me I do. If everyone is grabbing one I need to take one. PMDD brain tells me I must, I need, I can’t, and I won’t freak out!
I am at the max capacity, yet I am not satisfied, and my PMDD will not let go!At this point, I have filled my cart to the top, but I can’t stop because of fear of the unknown that clings to me.
At Home and On The Go!
I get on Amazon and buy everything on the Florida Preparedness Guide. Yes, everything! Including an old cord telephone for an emergency, even if I don’t have a physical telephone connection at home. I have to hush my PMDD worries and anxiety.
The worst is yet to hit me, that even though hurricane Irma is five days away, there is no WATER anywhere!
My husband tells me that at 4:00 pm the Publix by my house is getting a shipment of water. I get there at 3:20 pm, I graze the aisle as I try not to let my PMDD go on another shopping spree! I’ve somehow slowly
convinced my self, NO my PMDD, has convinced me that I don’t have enough supplies. PMDD is not rational, and neither am I during this time.
As I stand to wait next to the water aisle, other people come up to the shelf quickly coming to the same conclusion as the rest of the city NO WATER! We all stare at each other as to say “I was here first.” As for me, I am just trying not to shout at every single human I come in contact with and not lose my cool.
By the end of the day, I am mute! I have managed to anger my husband and added a big chunk of change to our debt.
PMDD has isolated me into an island of self-loathing, annoyance, stress and insomnia. The day is closing, and both Hurricane Irma and my PMDD are pushing through.The thought of waking up tomorrow to face both storms again is too much for my soul. It is time, time to seek Him!
I pick up my Bible and My Journal:
I write, I pour out my heart and ask for Guidance. He is giving me peace and I am going to trust Him. Well, at least that is what I tell my self. I pray because Prayer is my secret weapon against both storms. I go to bed and I pray.
A sleepless night and sick kids are what my day starts with. I have woken to the sound of one of my son coughing, one with complaints of his mouth hurting and the third has an earache.
I look at the clock it’s 7:00 am, and I have class in an hour-and-half, I get up and get dressed. Then it hits me I still need water, Publix said they would have some today by 7:00 am. Running out the door as I yell to my husband “Feed the kids, get propane and I’ll get water.”
Anxiety is what is pushing me to run; I am one day away from my PMDD and four days away from Hurricane Irma. I get to Publix the parking lot is full, I pull into the first available spot and dash the entrance. Then I notice people are coming out empty handed, no one comes to Publix this early and comes out empty handed. I know right away the water is gone!
I have one hour before class; I get back in my car and head to Wal-Mart! At this point, I confess I lost my godly nature and let the stress cloud me. I was screaming at the top of my lungs at all the drivers. So many cars everywhere, I start to panic!
Again I get to Wal-Mart and pulling to the first spot. I see a line forming at the door; I get in line. It is the water line, and they are giving two cases of water per person. Despite my on godly behavior God has blessed me, and I have one of the last spots for water. I get Water!
But, it’s not enough! It is one gallon per person for seven days and six people at home that’s forty-two gallons of water. I think, let’s see if I can find jugs in the kitchen department or the camping department. NOPE! ALL GONE!
I try and come up with a plan to resolve my water issue. So I buy one gallon Hawaiin Punch, yup! That juice is just water and sugar and only $1.50, I buy six and four bags of ice. Getting it all in my car, there are thirty minutes left till class, rushing home and drop off all the additional stuff. As i dash out the door, I yell out to my mom to dump the juice and fill them up with filtered water from our fridge.
Hopefully, I can make it to class!
Look for my next post as trying to keep my sanity before Hurricane Irma hits.