Skinny & Healthy
We have all seen them, the fit women with there six pack and thin bodies. Telling us that life is better when you are in shape and “healthy.”
Well, guess what? I was thin and healthy, but I was unhappy with my physical health and my spiritual health! I was not happy with my weight or size continually looking in the mirror examining every inch of myself searching and finding flaws. Becoming angry with my self because I just couldn’t look like the women on Instagram.
Till one day I hit a wall and realize that my quest for a bikini body had turned me into an ugly soul. I could not recall the last time I heard my saviors voice or the last time I was not seeking a self-serving purpose.
Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.-Proverbs 9:21
I had let my weight and obsession with looking like a bikini model become more prominent than God. I had committed adultery, idol adultery, to be exact choosing to seek body perfection over God.
I would wake up early to do yoga followed by 3+ mile run while pushing my youngest in a running stroller. If I were feeling extra chunky, I would then come home and do another workout.
My meals I had planned them down to the micro-nutrient eating only the food I had prepared beforehand. My “free time” was spent obsessing about losing and gaining weight. How to lose it? How not to gain it?
Thin or God
What I was not doing was seeking God. The only God related thing I was doing was attending church every Sunday. I had stopped reading the Bible, not spending time in stillness, nor was I seeking to reach his people. My life had no time for God, only time for staying thin.
My spirit was full of anger, coming off of me like the scent of perfume. My soul and heart had turned away from my savior in an attempt to be in “perfect shape.” Now I was not just skinny, I was angry, bitter, unsatisfied, thin woman.
I was thin, but I was a bitch, a skinny bitch! For over a year I had let my soul rot the fruit of my spirit.
Going Cold Turkey
The Perfect Body that is all we hear every day making fitness is a million dollar industry. But seeking the perfect body made me an on a Godly person and being thin but ugly on the inside is not worth the effort.
I quit working out, yoga, running, and eating methodically. I vowed to my self that I would use my time to find my way back to My lord. I needed to learn to love the thin me and the bigger me before I ever decided to go back on a weight loss journey again.
It no longer made sense to me to be skinny! Not when my spirit suffered, and my heart was unhappy.
You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart-Jeremiah 29:13
From that day on I made a choice every day to seek God and study his word. I wanted to learn what God had planned for my life. In me, I knew I am meant for more than just to be thin and miserable.
Deciding to serve was one the first things I jumped into my head. I could feel God telling me it was time. Taking a step towards faith, I began serving my church and my community. I no longer wanted it to be about me; I wanted it to be about Him.
Slowly God started revealing to me the path that leads to His purpose for my life. For every step, I take in faith another piece of His purpose revealed to me.
A Work In Progress
In my day-to-day, I think about God almost every minute of the day. I am so in love with Him. My happiness has multiplied, and my heart burst with love. Going to church is now my end of the week celebration with my fellow Christians. It is no longer the only time I spend with My Savior!
I am now 20lb heavier and no longer have a ‘bikini body’! My food choices have changed, indulging in more non-healthy options, while still attempting to eat healthy options.
The most significant change toward God purpose is my Blog! When I no longer had the distractions of staying thin, it was easier to step out in faith. Taking action has been the simplest part of this journey, the hardest part is accepting myself as Jesus made me.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plansto prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”-Jeremiah 29:11
How About You?
- What have you chosen over pursuing God’s purpose for your life?
- How has that changed your relationship with God?